Way to Sticky - Labels

The way we communicate in society calls for us to label everything. When working with a child to learn language we help them label everything they touch, see and feel to learn how to communicate.  We spend a good part of our early years being taught to label everything in our world to identify it and even to put those things in categories according to those labels. Apple, this is a fruit and goes in the fruit group, category and so on. We also do this with people during our formative foundation learning process. This is mommy, daddy, grandma, teacher, and so on.  When our education system in mostly based on labeling and categorizing it makes it difficult to open our minds beyond this form of thinking and cataloging that we are so well trained in. When I teach about diversity I let people know that I have so much compassion for people struggling with all of this because we have all been brainwashed, conditioned by our education systems, families, churches and on and on. This is apart of that conditioning. We teach labeling and categorizing and then tell people 'don't put me in a box," and not to label people. That can makes people brain do flips. Labeling for the purpose of communicating is sometimes needed so what makes it turn negative.

Labeling gone bad happens when we attach things to those labels and then make judgements about who a person is or what they can and cannot do according to those attachments. This is the start of when and how we limit people according to labels.  Like "girls are not supposed to play football."
I had not idea you played football with your penis, but I have heard statements like this limiting someone due to things like genitalia my entire life. Another common one is something like, "wow, its amazing how well you dance and move for such a big guy."  Those are total judgement based statements about what a person has attached to a category and label they have given you. This is something we have to commonly examine within ourselves. WE ALL DO IT.  We were trained to do it. Forgive yourself, be aware of it and start paying attention when you do it and then examine how you are labeling and categorizing. Are you doing it in a way that puts limits on the person, thing, event or can you give those labels and still be consciously open to many possibilities.

 As a transman which is a label, that I many times detest but use as an activist and educator to help talk about gender. I usually don't like to meet someone when someone else has told them that I am trans. The reason is they already have these preconceived notions in their minds of what that means and I have found it is usually not positive. I would rather them meet me as a person then find out if need be and then I always love the shocking, "WOW, I had no idea."  "You are a nice guy."  I love when they act shocked that a trans person can be a nice person, or a regular seeming guy.  I find that label very limiting in others perceptions, in what people have attached to it.

Conscious living is what I hope for in the world. I hope that through educating that people open their minds to examine what they attach to all labels.This work of living consciously is a lifetime journey and I believe the only way to live. Remember the way we were trained it takes work to retrain and remap our brains. Be patient with yourself as you do this work and even listen to the labels you use on yourself in your head when you are beating yourself up.  Examine those as well. When I facilitate diversity training's I do several exercises around labeling to cultivate deep examination of how we attach things to these labels we use. Here is one for you.  Write down every label you use to describe yourself and you have heard others use to describe you. Then write what each of those labels means to you. What thoughts come up around those labels and what feelings rise up within around those thoughts. How do they limit you and the full expression of who you are?  Try this exercise and let me know what it reveals to you.

PS:  When you are ready to shed a label - this stuff called "Goo be Gone" is great to get the sticky off.

Changing the Transgendered Employment Dilemma

Most of society has no clue what a transgendered person may go through on a job search.  As if getting a job is not difficult enough in this day and age there are many more strikes against a transgendered person in any job market.  Recent studies (the first such studies by the way) done on our transgendered population show that being transgendered makes it much more likely that they will be harassed on the job, receive less pay and have more difficulty in getting a job in the first place.  The transgendered population has double the rate of unemployment and two to four times the rate of poverty which is the highest of any minority.  For trans folks who have jobs 97% say they experienced harassment on the job and 47% experienced significant losses in promotions, jobs or pay raises.  As in any many cases with minorities these are only what is reported.  Many trans folk will not report harassment or issues with their employment for a variety of reasons.  They may not want to draw attention to themselves or the issue to avoid more discrimination if they rock the boat, or they may not want to take the chance of being outed to their co-workers if they are not already out.

Here is just a small taste of what I am going through during my current search for a better job and what most transgendered people deal with.  The biggest issue is that for most of us our identification, documents, college transcripts, etc do not all reflect our current name or gender marker.  What happens when you give this to your potential employer?  It means that you have to out yourself immediately. This makes it very easy if someone has an issue with you being transgendered to just not give you the job and use any reason they like no matter how qualified you are.

Then there is the issue of old work references.  This is a great one.  Can you imagine having to call and tell old employers who know nothing about your transition and are not a part of your life, about your transition and just hope they will be ok with it to give you a reference without bias? Then explain to your potential employer that if you call this reference you will have to use my old name, oh and they will refer to me as she.  This can put everyone in a very uncomfortable spot.

I am from the south, went to a Southern Baptist Christian high school and college.   How well do you think this will all go over with them?  All of my prior work history is in the Bible Belt.  You get the point.  If they even bothered to call back or give any reference at all, do you think they could overcome their cultural and religious biases, even if you did a great job when you were there?  I have to admit even as confident and out as I am, the thought of someone calling about my education or old job references is at times discouraging and nerve racking.  And many people are not as open or as confident as I am.  It saddens me to think about the struggles my trans peers go through just to find employment. The state I am from, Florida, is one of the many states that can legally refuse to change gender on a birth certificate even with a medical doctor and psychiatrist letter saying you have met all requirements and are should now be considered male or female.  Many of our own brothers and sisters in the LGBQ community are clueless about the issues that a transgendered person faces.  While there is plenty of discrimination against the LGBQ community, it pales in comparison to the added discrimination doled out to the trans community concerning documentation and work history. 

I have not even yet covered the topic of the large amount of young people who have been kicked out of home for being transgendered and are on the streets, many of whom never got to finish high school and are living day to day survival because their families have abandoned them for being who they are, leaving them hopeless, vulnerable and living in poverty with no home or work.  Seattle and San Francisco are the two places most of these young people that are LGBTQ run away to when they are kicked out or cannot take the harassment any longer.  I am proud to live in Seattle, a place that gives them hope to come to.  We as citizens have a big responsibility to step up and do what we can to help these young transgendered citizens.  It is good for us all when they have hope, get an education and can hold down a job.

There are still 35 states that it is still perfectly legal to fire or not hire someone strictly because they are transgendered.  Why, if we are the United States are we not united as one when it comes to ALL civil rights?  Why do we let individual states decide things that are the core of who we are supposed to be as a country?  How it is ok for one state to say you cannot discriminate in this way and others states to freely discriminate?  In 1967, the Supreme Court finally decided that if was unconstitutional for states to ban interracial marriage and legalized interracial marriage as a right for all.  Some individual states had legalized interracial marriage for years, however most likely the other states would have never legalized it if the Supreme Court had not stepped in and said enough.

It is time that we the people stand up and say to the President, Congress and the Supreme Court “enough!”  Let’s insist that we stop allowing individual states to openly discriminate against any minority.  It is bad for all of us as a country when any group is held down from success.  We are talking jobs here, people.  We are talking about people having the ability to pay bills and not live on the streets or need government assistance.  This affects us all.  We are connected, whether you agree with someone or not, like them or not. Their ability to take care of themselves and be successful in this country or your country wherever you are, affects you and us as a whole. 

More cities need to follow the lead of those few who are leading the way towards equal rights for all.  The City of Seattle is working toward a Transgendered Employment Empowerment Program.  To help the many young people get their GED’S and college educations, housing, food and mentoring.  This program will also help those who transition later in life, like me, with getting all of ones documents changed correctly, learning how to transition in your job or search for a new job during or right after transition.  This is an exciting program that will help our city grow and have more citizens that can contribute to the greatness and strength of Seattle. 

Join me and my transgendered allies as we change the world.  If you are in Seattle get involved with our new program.  If you’re reading this from outside of the Pacific Northwest, take the time to look at what the laws are for your state and city.  If they need changing, start the process.  It just takes a few dedicated individuals to change the world.  So step up and change it.

There is no easy way to fly

I have been asked the question several times and seen this question posted on sights, "How do you love a Trans person"?  This amazes me, arent we all individuals and different?   But I will try and tackle it.  We Trans people are like all other people, we want to be seen, heard, loved, felt, understood, adored, and we want someone who can get us and connect. You may think we are more complicated but actually we are all complicated.  It takes someone caring enough to explore what makes you tick.  Each person is different.  Maybe a few things that we have in common best I can tell is that we want you to judge us for our spirit not just our physical bodies.  We don't want you to think you know who we are or judge us due to the body we were born in.  We want you to get and respect our energy, our spirit and value that more then the exterior.  We want you to understand that gender is not black and white and just let us be who we are and not try and put us in a box.  We Don't FIT!  We want you to be willing and open to explore even though you don't totally understand, because really we don't totally understand, we are just being who we feel.  Give us that FREEDOM! and we will give you the FREEDOM to be whomever you are. We can all be FREE, what an amazing concept.  We are all forced by this confining society to be or present as things to please or fit into this convuluted world that are not really true to us.  We all wear some mask and put them on to make it in this judgmental, conforming world in order to survive and have some simulation of success.  You want to know how to love a Trans person... its really simple.  I don't really think its different from what ANYONE else wants.  The FREEDOM to be who ever the fuck they are and be respected, seen, hear and loved in that.  There is no easy way to fix this, there is no easy way to fly.  These gender boxes are ingrained deep within our society and our training. We just do our best to try and understand each other, be open to one another and to walk this journey together giving each other room to be and grow, love and expereience and succeed. I want to care about you and your journey and I want you to care about mine.  We are afterall, all connected weather that is hard to admit or not.  Maybe I'm living in a dream, but I like my dream.